Sometimes, when we are in an unhealthy relationship, we can feel confused and caught up in it all.
You might find yourself:
- Making excuses for the person’s behaviour
- Lying for the person
- Feeling hopeless or like you can’t get out
- Thinking about the person who hurts you a lot
- Feeling like you aren’t good enough and that you have to prove yourself by being really kind, helpful, or caring to the person
- Having to keep secrets about mistreatment, exploitation, or abuse
- Trusting someone over and over again when they have proven themselves unreliable
- Feeling confused or uncertain
- Feeling like you are walking on eggshells, and you have to please the person
- Things are cyclical. The relationship goes through a cycle treating you well and unwell. They will reinforce the bond by being kind or nice. This will be followed by tension or them being unkind to you.
- They seem to hold the power in the relationship.
- Remember, you are good enough! If someone makes you feel that way, that is not a healthy situation for you to be in. Surround yourself with people who value you. You are worthy!
Trauma bonds can be between: caregiver and child, intimate relationships, friendships, or any abusive relationship.
If you have ever felt any of these ways in a relationship, this could be a sign of a trauma bond. This is when we feel drawn to, affectionate towards, or loyal to someone who is harming us. There are many different reasons why this happens.
If you feel like you are caught in this type of relationship, talk to someone and get help. Tell someone you trust, whether it is a counsellor, elder, spiritual leader, or trusted adult.