Why Does This Happen?

There are a couple of reasons why trauma bonds form.

1. Attachment. We form attachments for survival. Trauma bonds are unhealthy attachments. When our safety is threatened, we look for comfort and turn to others. As a child, we often turn to parents and as we get older, we turn to significant others. A person being abused might turn to the person abusing them. For example, if a child/youth is being abused by a parent, they might turn to them for comfort. This can create a trauma bond.
2. Dependence. In an abusive relationship, the abused person might rely on the person abusing them to fulfill their needs. In an abusive child/parent relationship, the child relies on their parent. They may begin to associate love and abuse. This can make it hard for the child to see their parent as abusive or bad, so the child might blame themselves for what is happening.
3. Cycle of Abuse. The cycle of abuse can reinforce a trauma bond. As part of the cycle, the abusive person will often be really kind or caring after they are abusive.
4. Biology. Trauma bonds are reinforced by biology. When we connect with others, our brain releases a chemical called oxytocin which makes us feel warm and loving. This increases the bond.